Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Is it just me or is it amazing that it is August 1st?  I have no idea where this summer has gone.  We did get the pots on our deck potted but i think there are plants in the tray that never got planted.  This year I feel like I struggled to get anything done, very frustrating.

My nephew graduated this year from high school and had promised his mom I would do a t-shirt quilt, never Again!  When Kris asked me to do the quilt I thought oh, ok this should not be any big deal cut out some shirts and put sashing between them, WRONG!  I should have known better because my sister in law does not do any just normal.  Her house is beautifully decorated and there is nothing in her house that you could say "oh I've seen that before".  Amazing where she finds things.  Well here is the quilt:

I told Patrick's sisters that they can pick out a different kind of quilt.  I know thou when the time comes I will do another one for them because I can't say no.  I think the problem with doing that quilt is my sister in law didn't realize what goes into making one and she gave me the shirts 5 weeks before I had to have it done.  If I didn't work maybe that wouldn't have been a problem.  Oh well it's done and I'm very happy with how it turned out.

As I was saying it is August 1st and that means Autumn will be here soon and this is the time of the year I love to go camping.  We always try to get one camping trip in with Raychel and last year she went but didn't get out of the motor home but at least she was with us.  This year she is doing better and hopefully will be able to come sit outside with us. 

Raychel is holding her own right now.  She gets her nutrition every night and her blood test were starting to show that it was working but now it has leveled off but still not in the normal range.  We do know that it is starting to effect her kidneys besides the issues with the liver.  Every day I wake up and am so thankful to still have her in our lives.  Yesterday she was very upset about something and as I said to her she was throwing a tantrum at the age of 33.  She was blaming Grandma and I for the dumbest things but I was not going to let her do this to us.  Grandma is great at saying it's ok she's sick and I try to tell her and Raychel that just because she is so ill does not give her the right to be mean.  Well yesterday was horrible and I was not going to tolerate it and she was mad.  When I finally got home from work I cried for the longest time and Mike just sat and held me and told me it was ok what I had done.  I told him I was so afraid of her dying and her or I being so mad at the other.  The saying "never go to bed mad" is a good way to live.  By the end of the night we had talked and she was calmed down but I think she realized that this was not the way to handle things. 

This weekend won't come soon enough.  Mike is working out of town on Friday and then out at the Minnesota Zoo on Saturday so most of the weekend will be mine to do as I please.  I have 1 quilt top almost ready to load on the frame and then 2 others cut out and ready to start on.  Next Saturday the 11th I am meeting Barb, my blog friend, in Stillwater to go to a couple of quilt shops and of course have breakfast.  I'm really looking forward to spending time with her.  For some reason we can only seem to get together once a year and hopefully that can change.

till later

Saturday, May 12, 2012

 Yesterday after work I drove out to my sister in laws to spend the night.  I love being on the farm, it is so quilt and peaceful.  We started sewing right after dinner and continued until I could not stay awake.  I knew that doing this would get me sewing again which I needed so bad.

This was a quilt I had started before leaving for California back in January and really needed to finish and I did.  

 I always love the bright color quilts but they just don't seem to fit with my house.  I don't know what I think this because I am not much of a decorator but I do love color.

Today my intentions were to head back home to go hang out with Raychel.  She had a few good days this last week and was hoping that today will be a good one for her.  She wanted to go to Target which as most people know that is not a quick or cheap trip especially for Raychel. Well I got to Raychel's and she just was not up for it.  She had a bad seizure on Thursday and every since that she has been sleeping a lot which is normal for her after having one.  Usually the sleeping does not last this long and she says she just does not feel good.  Hoping that this is not the beginning of some kind of infection.

When I got home Mike and I decided to go on a bike ride and road for about 15 miles.  Some days I wish I had an electric bike so that when I got tired I could just stop peddling.  Now that would not be very healthy.

Saturday, April 14, 2012


Update?  Where do I begin?  Raychel after 6 weeks in the hospital is home and 6 weeks in the hospital is so unheard of.  Raychel is getting the TPN every night thru the port in her chest and the rewards of it are showing.  Once a week the nurse comes to the house and changes the needle in her port and takes blood to see how she is doing.  Her blood levels that are done to watch her nutrition are improving so much but her liver enzymes are starting to creep up.  They will tell us when they feel that the liver is starting to be compromised and at that point they will stop the TPN.  We are hoping that will be years from now but we have to remember that we just don't know.  It is like when someone is told they have terminal cancer but that they don't know how long they will live.

Mike and I have been at Raychel's apartment packing it up and have gotten to the point with some things we just don't know what to do with. During the process of packing her stuff we came to the realization on how sick she was and how alone she was.  We moved her to my Mom's on January 4 and on her coffee table sat a New Years Eve hat that she had bought herself.  How sad to know that she was home all alone and at 32 yrs old that is sad.  Mike and I were home and asked her to come spend the time with us but she just was to sick to make the 20 mile car ride.  What I keep struggling with is why Mike and I ever left on Jan 31st for California.  My Mom and Raychel kept telling us that she was getting better and to go.  The morning we flew out I woke up and just started crying and I told Mike that I was so afraid to go and Mike said then we won't go.  I told him, no because if we didn't Raychel would feel so horrible specially since she is getting better.  I guess when they say listen to your motherly instinct you should listen.  Every day we were gone I called the moment I would get up and then a few times during the day.  My mom kept saying everything was going ok until Justin went over there.  She said she had not been honest with me which I just don't get.  Anyway I'm thankful we got home when we did.

Today Raychel and I will be heading over there for her to tell me what she wants and does not want.  She is very nervous to go there, she says that it is another step in her life that she fears the emotions she will feel.  Raychel has been nervous every time she has made changes like when we moved her to my Moms or when I called 911 because she new she was dying but didn't want to hear it and then the fear of leaving the hospital and leaving the care that she had received.  I know once she is there she will be fine.  She is having friends from the apartment building coming down to hang out with her.  She is hoping to order pizza from her favorite place by her place. 

Packing someone else's stuff makes me look at my own home and realize what I HAVE to get done around here.  I can't imagine having to have someone come in here and pack my stuff and try to figure out what is to be thrown and what to keep.  We have been in our house for 18 years and we have 18 years of stuff that we have not used in years and will never use again.  I say throw it and Mike says what if?  He is getting back to work now most weekends he will be gone so that will be my time to throw without him knowing (hopefully).  

Thru all this time I have tried to take time to sew and I actually go down into my sewing room and I clean up down there and just can't get myself to sit down and sew.  I have always used my sewing as therapy but I can't do it.  I have 2 quilts started and a pile of fabric that I know what I will be using it for just can't start.  I love to sew and really hoping that this is a phase that I'm going thru.  I know of a few friends that had sewn for years and all of a sudden for what ever reason they stopped and never went back to it.  I never could figure out why that they would stop but I guess now I understand.  The difference, I will get back in the swing of it.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Been a very hard road

It has been so long since I have posted anything.  First it was the holidays and then it was getting ready to go on vacation and before you know it life gets away from you.  I have been trying to find time to sew but just can’t seem to squeeze it in which normally is my sanity.  Mike and I headed out on Jan 31 and flew into Los Angeles which we love and spent 11 days there.

Well for the biggest reason I have not been posting is my daughter, Raychel.  Any of you who have read my blog over the years know she has really battled with trying to stay alive.  She started going down hill last June and slowly it got away from her.  She was so sick during Christmas and at that time we moved her to my Mom’s where I knew that Grandma would fatten her up.  Mike and I left like I said and headed out with my Mom telling me that things were getting better and Raychel guaranteeing us that she was doing better.  Well the truth was she was not getting better she was getting worse.  My son, Justin, went over to see Raychel and he was devastated on what he saw.  He called us and said we needed to get home right away so we did.  We got in on Monday night and finally on Thursday I called 911 when she got to the point where she was not able to left her head off her pillow.  At that point I realized how ill Raychel really was.  I think for a few months in the back of my mind I knew what was happening because I started having moments of crying and it usually was when I was with her or talking about her.  Mike and I were told that Friday that Raychel was dying and they told her on Saturday.  They told us that they personally had never seen a patient so malnourished and even thou she was eating she has gotten to the point that she can not absorb.  Over the years we have been told over and over there is nothing that the doctors could offer her, we had completely lost all faith in the medical profession.  That Thursday when I called 911 I had them take her to our local hospital that she had never been to but that my Mom worked at for 44 years and had retired only 3 years ago at the age of 82.  My Mom is very well known at this hospital but I think they are just a GREAT hospital.  They put a port in her chest and a picc line in to give her TPN (nutrition) and other medications to buy her time.  We know that the TPN will cause her liver to go into liver failure since she has liver disease already and once that starts they will stop the TPN.  We are not even sure that it will help at all and in about 3 weeks we will have an idea if it is and if it’s not they will stop it then.

The love I have for my children is so intense and I’m thankful for that every day.

The reason I am telling this story?  Because this is happening to Raychel because she was so tired of being obese that she decided to have gastric bypass.  They say that 1% of patients that have this surgery will die and that’s 1 out of 100 will face what my daughter is facing.  When anyone goes in and has a procedure done they always tell us the things that COULD happen but as human nature is we always think that will happen to someone else.  Well someone has to be that 1%.  I hope that anyone who is thinking about having gastric bypass or any elective procedures think about it in great depth.  Raychel has told me that she would rather be obese than to be like this.  Does not matter how thin we are or how obese we are, we are not happy with our bodies and that is so sad. 

Please keep my daughter and family in your thoughts.  This is a road that I’m so afraid to go down for the fear that I will not be able to stay as strong for Raychel because this is what she deserves from us as her parents.