Saturday, April 14, 2012


Update?  Where do I begin?  Raychel after 6 weeks in the hospital is home and 6 weeks in the hospital is so unheard of.  Raychel is getting the TPN every night thru the port in her chest and the rewards of it are showing.  Once a week the nurse comes to the house and changes the needle in her port and takes blood to see how she is doing.  Her blood levels that are done to watch her nutrition are improving so much but her liver enzymes are starting to creep up.  They will tell us when they feel that the liver is starting to be compromised and at that point they will stop the TPN.  We are hoping that will be years from now but we have to remember that we just don't know.  It is like when someone is told they have terminal cancer but that they don't know how long they will live.

Mike and I have been at Raychel's apartment packing it up and have gotten to the point with some things we just don't know what to do with. During the process of packing her stuff we came to the realization on how sick she was and how alone she was.  We moved her to my Mom's on January 4 and on her coffee table sat a New Years Eve hat that she had bought herself.  How sad to know that she was home all alone and at 32 yrs old that is sad.  Mike and I were home and asked her to come spend the time with us but she just was to sick to make the 20 mile car ride.  What I keep struggling with is why Mike and I ever left on Jan 31st for California.  My Mom and Raychel kept telling us that she was getting better and to go.  The morning we flew out I woke up and just started crying and I told Mike that I was so afraid to go and Mike said then we won't go.  I told him, no because if we didn't Raychel would feel so horrible specially since she is getting better.  I guess when they say listen to your motherly instinct you should listen.  Every day we were gone I called the moment I would get up and then a few times during the day.  My mom kept saying everything was going ok until Justin went over there.  She said she had not been honest with me which I just don't get.  Anyway I'm thankful we got home when we did.

Today Raychel and I will be heading over there for her to tell me what she wants and does not want.  She is very nervous to go there, she says that it is another step in her life that she fears the emotions she will feel.  Raychel has been nervous every time she has made changes like when we moved her to my Moms or when I called 911 because she new she was dying but didn't want to hear it and then the fear of leaving the hospital and leaving the care that she had received.  I know once she is there she will be fine.  She is having friends from the apartment building coming down to hang out with her.  She is hoping to order pizza from her favorite place by her place. 

Packing someone else's stuff makes me look at my own home and realize what I HAVE to get done around here.  I can't imagine having to have someone come in here and pack my stuff and try to figure out what is to be thrown and what to keep.  We have been in our house for 18 years and we have 18 years of stuff that we have not used in years and will never use again.  I say throw it and Mike says what if?  He is getting back to work now most weekends he will be gone so that will be my time to throw without him knowing (hopefully).  

Thru all this time I have tried to take time to sew and I actually go down into my sewing room and I clean up down there and just can't get myself to sit down and sew.  I have always used my sewing as therapy but I can't do it.  I have 2 quilts started and a pile of fabric that I know what I will be using it for just can't start.  I love to sew and really hoping that this is a phase that I'm going thru.  I know of a few friends that had sewn for years and all of a sudden for what ever reason they stopped and never went back to it.  I never could figure out why that they would stop but I guess now I understand.  The difference, I will get back in the swing of it.


Barb H said...

I can't imagine haw difficult these days are for you, Cathy. And the rest of the family as well. There's nothing to be said except, embrace each new day as it comes and focus on making the very most of the time that's left. And we all hope that will be a LOT of time.

Iftikhar Ahmed said...
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