Sunday, September 11, 2011

Every year on this day I feel such a heaviness in my heart like every other American.  I remember when I would hear people say that they remember where they were and what they were doing the day President Kennedy was shot.    I remember being home with my Mom and she had President Kennedy's funeral on but it never stuck in my mind.  My husband talks about being in school and the teachers crying and I never understood having that strong of an emotion for something that did not personally effect me until 9-11.  Every time I see a picture or anything regarding that day I feel this heaviness in my heart.  The National Geographic channel did a interview with President Bush (not my favorite) and I planned on watching it.  I got about half way thru and was crying and decided to turn it off for awhile.  I remember days after that horrible day I felt guilty walking away from the television because I thought I should not be out enjoying myself because these people in NYC can't walk away and go do something fun.  I felt it was all I could to help

In 2009 I went to NYC for the July 4th weekend and was so excited because I had not been there since August 2001.  I love that city and needed to see for myself what had been left behind.  We headed to lower Manhattan to watch the fireworks and where we were standing was just blocks away from where the towers were.  It was lightly raining and we were standing against a building and I started talking to these 4 woman that were standing with me.  They started telling me that all 4 of them had grown up in that building and all married and bought their own places in that building.  They told me their stories of 9-11 and how for months they walked around and cried.  One of the woman told me how her and her husband had gone to South Carolina for a month and their apartment faced the towers and for the 1st time of them leaving town she cracked her windows.  She told me that headed right back home within a few days of the attack and she said it was a war zone.  She told me how the cab was able to bring them only so far and then they had to show identification showing that they lived in that area.  She told me that it was that way for months after.  As they were telling me their stories I started to cry and they started to cry.  I am so thankful for the rain that night because of that I was forced to stand against that building and meet these 4 woman that made me look at life so differently.  When we left that night I hugged them all and thanked them so much for sharing their stories with me. 

Raychel got sick in 2006 and I have to say when you almost lose a child so many times you look at life so differently.  You become so appreciative of the little things in life but after meeting these woman I even became more grateful for everything.  The things that I use to worry about I don't anymore the people that I always knew I loved know now how much I love them now.  I never hang up my phone without saying to my friends and family that I love them.  My life lessons over the last 5 years have been very hard lessons to learn but I would not trade them for 5 years of life going on as it had.  My daughter's life is so hard for her.  She never has a day of without depression, anxiety and feeling so sick she can't get out of bed but she has every day to feel these things.  Raychel's life was going down a bad road before getting sick and 5 years of sickness has saved her from a life of bad choices.  She always says that this illness, how horrible it is and how it has robbed her life she is happy to say goodbye to how that life was. 

I guess this is a good day to reflect on many things in our lives.

1 comment:

Barb H said...

On days like this, I too think of how much I love my friends and family and how I can no longer delay doing the things I want to do. Cathy, we must get together before any more months float by. Send me an email so we can get it set up, ok?